Imagine you could have the power to say ... "My name is X ... and i am still delaying to experience my real life. I mean ... at my fullest potential. Betraying myself. Yeah ... by a lifetime." Of course ... not many would have such a courage to say those words ... while looking into the mirror. Or maybe ... at least try ... from the early morning ... when brushing their teeth ... to dare saying ... "Today ... i promise ... that i'll try!". Unfortunately ... i am doing the same. Delaying. Pushing myself ... to continue ... living a life ... which i actually don't want to live. Hating it to death. And ... it's not that i am saying that i want to suicide and see all ended ... because first of all i am too coward to do it ... and secondly i know i can't really deny my existence. So ... all continues. ... but ... not as i want. Not today. Not now. Yesterday ... was the same. 3 years ago ... too. Tomorrow ... most probably ... or at least 99.999% ... nothing will change. I simply can't be authentic. I just ... can't. Or ... not yet. And ... damn it ... the Universe already decided to make my life a real hell ... but i am still delaying. I continue saying ... "Yeah ... maybe tomorrow ...". I know ... i have a great potential ... but for sure i am wasting my existence. Unfortunately ... pretending i don't really know what is happening. Or that i am ... idiot. Or even ... amnesic. So ... also not being afraid of saying that ... i am just a little bit confused ... the absence of courage is definitely defining ... the point where i am today. Meanwhile ... probably same as you and many others are doing ... i keep betraying myself. Not understanding ... that the impact of such a stupid repetitive act ... is going to simply devastate ... my soul.
